On Sean Hannity…

Yea, Sean Hannity is like baby Jesus; he has never done anything wrong.

On Michael Jackson…

When you get too many plastic surgeries you begin to look like a zombie. Joan Rivers looks like she should be from the Night of the Dead.

On 60 Minutes…

You just have resentment against the propaganda church. ABC, NBC, CBS and the Canadians, they are all communists.

On Dogs…

Crystal Reports are like a dog; they are good for some things but should die a slow painful death.

On Starbucks...

Yea, the people who are all strung out on heroin all go down to Starbucks and just pour lots of sugar in their coffee all day. That’s just what they do- all day. You can see them down there with a pile of sugar packets.

On Adoption…

People are shipping babies from overseas because nobody wants to adopt an American baby. They are ALL crack babies. They are genetic mutants. They all grow up to be criminally insane or worse.

On Bon Jovi...

I was in Venice and the hotels were connected together and Bon Jovi was staying in a hotel two doors down. I went outside one time and there was a Ferrari there like a million dollar car with some hot chick in it. I know he's better than me, he doens't have to do that...

On Butterscotch...

I used to suck on those ones that come in a bag. But, you put them in your mouth and they give you a cavity on your gums. Then I have to go to the dentist and so he will fix my cavity.

On Hair Care…

If you don't wash your hair (dreadlocks) you will get lice. So when the police come and arrest you, you should make sure you get the crabs out of your hair.

On beliefs…

If you don't believe in something it's not a religion, it's a fantasy.

On Balloons…

What a perfect day. It is so clear. You could see for miles; if you see a balloon don’t dismiss it. It could be a space ship.